Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
