And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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