dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
