I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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