i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
