Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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