well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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