there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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