I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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