Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
