I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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