I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
