I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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