Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish I could teleport
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
