Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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