hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
