Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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