please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
