3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
