I can't watch pbs sober anymore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
