Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
