addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
