I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
