New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
