what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
