he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
