I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
