I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
