You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
