I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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