I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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