dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
