just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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