he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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