i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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