I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
