just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
