There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
