I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We need a shit load of segways right now
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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