Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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