i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
