Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
