I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
