The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
