I like to think it a success when the cops are called
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
