my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my shit smells like andre
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
