I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The power of my boobs compel you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
