...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
