He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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