I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
